Recently I had two separate friends tell me about totally inconsiderate behavior from guys they were supposed to go out with.
You know what I'm talking about. A guy gets your number, you make plans, you might exchange a few texts, and then just before you're supposed to meet up...crickets.
He has completely disappeared. "What the hell happened? What did I do?"
"Maybe he lost his phone?
Maybe he was abducted by aliens?
Maybe he lapsed into a coma overnight?"
Why is it we can wrap our minds around any plausible (or not so plausible) excuse of why he vanished rather than acknowledge the simplest, most basic truth? You got ghosted. Can you relate? Then this story is just for you.
Last month I was in New York for fashion week. After finishing with shows for the day I popped into the cutest little restaurant/bar in the West Village to grab a drink, avoid the rain, and kill some time before meeting up with a girlfriend. I was alone at the bar when a guy and I started chatting. Throughout the course of our conversation he had given me a bunch of restaurant recommendations. After a couple drinks I decided (maybe not the best time to make decisions?) we had talked adequately long enough to come to the relatively safe assumption that he wasn't a serial killer so I could take him up on his offer to join him Saturday afternoon for [what he claimed to be] the best tacos in the city and then to the Whitney Museum while I had a bit of down time between fashion week events.
Over the next couple days we exchanged a few texts. I had been wanting to go to the Whitney so was excited to have a companion, plus trying new restaurants is my absolute favorite thing to do anywhere, let alone in NY. My schedule was jam packed so I didn't think I'd have time to fit either thing in so was looking forward to a little bit of leisure time, even if it was only a couple hours. Friday, the day prior to our plans, he reached out to confirm we were still on and where we should meet.
Saturday morning while rushing to get ready I received a LinkedIn request from him to connect. I only gave it a brief passing thoughts because time was not on my side! I got on my train which was having all sorts of complications and reroutes so shot him a text just to let him know I'd be a few minutes late. He kindly understood my out-of-towner issues.
We had our tacos, which were delicious--we're talking Southern California and Central America level delicious--and headed to the Whitney, which is just so beautiful. If you get the opportunity to go, An Incomplete History of Protests on the 6th floor is incredibly moving.
I was on my train a couple hours later when I opened my email and there was my LinkedIn message from him, the one I had completely forgotten he sent earlier in the day:
So, let's break this down:
I'm in from out of town.
We were meeting for a brief bite to eat and a walk around a museum...
in the middle of the afternoon.
This guy so easily could have hoped I'd reach out or have blown the whole thing off. Except he didn't. He took the initiative to find me by any means necessary...in this case LinkedIn, of all places! And this guy had to HUNT...there are probably dozens of me! Had I not texted him on the train ride he still would have been waiting at the restaurant, like a class act.
Meaning, there's no excuse, ladies. If a guy wants it (whatever 'it' may be) or [most importantly] is a decent person, he'll put in the effort to avoid being a jerk. In a world where it feels like lasting connections are disappearing because who cares if you hurt the person you'll most likely never see them again anyway, this is your reminder that not everyone is a garbage human.
And in case you want the most delicious tacos ever go to Los Mariscos...